Negotiation is ubiquitous - everybody is negotiating every day!

Most good negotiating practice is "common sense", but, unfortunately common sense is a lot less common than is commonly thought. Negotiations in practice are a messy, almost chaotic experience.

The dynamics of negotiation are shaped by different tensions. The fine art of negotiating is to manage these tensions satisfactorily. People find themselves in a dilemma. Many see only two ways to negotiate: soft or hard.

One tension is between the striving for distributive gain - getting a bigger slice of the pie - and the possibility for joint gains, i.e. making the pie bigger for both sides. For many, distributing value - as opposed to creating it - is the essence.

Another problem is to combine empathy and assertiveness in negotiation as two equally desirable sets of skills. Assertiveness meaning the ability to express and advocate one's own needs, interests and perspective; and empathy meaning to demonstrate an understanding of the other side's needs, interests and perspective, without necessarily agreeing and having sympathy.